This Mothers Day, being the first when my mother is not on this planet, is exceedingly painful and deeply desolate in the void she leaves behind. All the strength that I painstakingly garner seems to abandon me on this – her day. Although I have vowed to be strong and make my mom proud, this is a particularly trying day.
But there is a bright spot. See I am a mom too and since the day of this devastating loss, my daughter has taken it upon herself to mother me. She sits by me when I read, brings me my tea, helps me with the daily tasks that now seem prohibitive in the amount of focus they demand, and watches me carefully, trying to preemptively meet my next need.
Why must I keep dwelling on the mother I lost and not be present to the one I gained? It seems almost shameful that I am this way.
My daughter continues to sit by me, not expecting anything in return for her kindness beyond the gratification of providing me with some relief. Then it hits me that my mom must be suffering from separation anxiety too – wherever she is.
So Mom, if you are listening, please don’t worry too much about us. The sisterhood you left behind – your two daughters and their daughters are all together in lovingly supporting each other. Whereas we have each other, you are alone on the other side and I want to send you love and kindness, of the nature that I am receiving. I just don’t know how. I am going to start by being strong for you, for my self, my sister, my daughter, my niece and above all, my dad.
Thanks so much for leaving behind the gift of faith, worship and devotion. The faith that has alluded me for so long is now resurfacing, stronger and kinder than ever before. It is tiding me through this difficult time. Mom, I hope faith is helping you too! I love you and happy Mother’s Day!
Airak 